Hello, September! My second favorite month of the year is here: football, my birthday, and dove hunting season all roll out in September, and every good American loves those three things. However, in case you were wondering, here’s what September is NOT time for:
Ain’t no leaves that color around here, Pinterest. source
It’s not really fall in the South yet, everyone. Pinterest, the mall, and Gap.com are in conspiracy to have you believe otherwise, but hold your layers, girls. Ever gone to a football game on a Saturday afternoon in Texas? Your butt has never sweat so much. So forget the wool boot-socks and scarves until I say otherwise. And seriously, hold off on that Pumpkin Spice Latte until you can really enjoy it. You may, however, drink amber beer and wear camo when necessary.
Anyway, the last couple weeks of August were eventful for the little Bellah family on the prairie. First, Matt and Layne are baling hay, planting wheat, getting ready to harvest corn, and stocking up on cattle for the winter. This means Laurie and I are on our own again, Sister Wives style, and she’s had to rid her house of mice all by herself this week. She tried waiting for Layne to get home to fix the mouse problem one evening, but you have to bale hay in the middle of the night here, so it was a lonnnnng wait. Luckily, we have each other. Second, Trevor has been acting exceptionally hostile and watching an unprecedented amount of Disney, Jr. A couple weeks ago, I noticed a goiter on his neck. I thought, this kid is too young for a goiter and goiter is the ugliest word in the English language. I felt around and noticed a few cyst-like knots all over his neck and jaw and called the oncologist immediately. No, just the pediatrician, but we had to get them checked out. Diagnosis: mononucleosis.
See the goiter?
This seems verra strange to me, since a) he’s super healthy and active, and b) he hasn’t been making out with any girls with mono that we know of. Blood work says Ranch Rodeo Induced Epstein-Barr virus, though, so now we lovingly refer to our oldest as “Monoboy” and try to keep him from wrestling and rupturing his possibly enlarged spleen. And also try to keep him from infecting everyone else.
A conversation between Trevor and Laurie, after baking banana bread last week: Trevor: I want another piece of bread [grabs for it]. Laurie: No, wait, Trevor, don’t touch it, I’ll get you a piece. You can’t touch the bread since you have mono. [cuts a slice and places on table for him] Trevor: [stares blankly at the bread] Well… how am I supposed to eat it??
Since I have mild trust issues with modern medicine, I took Trevor straight to our voodoo doctor* in Pueblo, Colorado. The good news is, she has the cure – we say our voodoo chants at sunrise and sunset every day and he seems better already.
The bad news is, we live in New Mexico and not colorful Colorado. We had the best day in Pueblo. Laurie chaperoned our trip, and we went to the zoo, got some voodoo treatment, and ate at Cracker Barrel, which is where I plan to do all my Christmas shopping. You can buy anything there! We came away with chicken and dumplings, a new truck for Trevor, and some old fashioned peppermint sticks for the three-hour drive home. Claire loves Cracker Barrel because they cater to her obsession with chairs.
Maybe for Christmas, Claire.
We literally drove under a giant rainbow outside of Capulin, NM on the way home. Just another sign that voodoo works.
My mom came up and stayed a few days last week, too, which is the best thing ever, because every morning when my three-year-old alarm clock appeared, I said, “Go see if Grammy’s up,” rolled over, and went back to sleep. Thanks, Mom! We all went to my sister Tab’s house to visit, where I was consumed with jealousy for her grassy shaded yard, garage, and close proximity to Dairy Queen. And her kid, the cutest almost-1 year old I’ve ever seen.
Trevor and Colt golfing in the lush green grass.
He’s really suffering from the mono. The fatigue and achiness are unbearable.
Hope your month was mono-free, full of rainbows, and all you ever wanted from August. Now put your Tech t-shirt on and set the TV to ESPN, it’s September!
*By voodoo, I mean chiropractic and holistic, of course. Voodoo Vicky in Pueblo can cure what ails you.